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Kirtan Ah-ha! Moment



08.18.2021 Over the past few months I have been struggling with the desire to be further ahead with my musicianship and Sanscrit knowledge/pronunciation.

Yes, a great deal is due to comparing myself to others who have been YEARS into their practice. It makes no sense for me to compare my level to theirs.

I realize that it is my self sabotage voice trying desperately to cause me to give up on my musical journey.

Nagging at me.

"You should be singing like that."

"You should be playing your harmonium without looking at your hands."

"You know more mantras."

"You should be improvising"

Luckily, the voice is not as loud nor as daunting as it used to be. Because, I am now able to ignore it and/or counteract it with what is actually true.

"I am totally right where I should be. And it's perfect."

Yesterday, I watched the recording of the 4th session of the Harmonium Immersion sessions I take online with Girish. During the session Wah was on as Girsh's guest host.

Wah played one of her songs for us and it was amazing. ( I know I throw that word out alot, but I was truly amazed) I was so impressed by the way she dropped into this spiritual mode, pulled the soundtracks, voice and harmonium into her Being then released this powerful, mesmerizing magic.

Not only was she able to maintain her connection she was also able to explain to us how and why she was doing it.

My first take away, after all the awe, was to think, "I could never be like that. How can I be like that? I wanna be like that"

Truth: Wah is already like that. Be me.

That took me most of the night to get to that truth. 🙂

My second and much more positive takeaway was how Wah not only suggested how to improvise with only one simple drone, she demonstrated it. She explained that if we are struggling with fingering on the harmonium to let go of the struggle. Keep it simple and just chant what you do know. To keep coming back to what you DO know.

(In all fairness, Girish says this as well. I just didn't hear it. What I DO hear from Girish is to love my voice. Which has opened me up to really hearing my voice and allowing me to accept and sing fully.)

With Wah's insights in mind, I carried my shruti box down to the lake.

It was about 7a.m. on Lake Sumner in New Mexico. The campsite is pretty empty. No more than a dozen RV on site. And not a sole near the lakeshore. I was completely alone. I'd walked far enough away from the RV hook up sites and there were no hikers or anything. Just me.

I was able to play my shruti box, feel where I was in my heart. Sense what wanted to come thru, breathe and just sing.

It was glorious! My very first time singing out freely to Gods and Goddesses. Calling them forth. Sharing and basking in their presence. Allowing them to sing through me. Being outside, in nature. Connecting to Source.

I appreciate all the Kirtan mentors who co come into my life and their willingness to share and guide with such Love, Honor, Wisdom and Truth.

Be Joyful, my friends!



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