11.04.2019 Saturday, November 3, 2019 My dad's physical form took it's last breath. In the midst of my emotional devastation, I have come to realize that my practice of reiki is solely for me.
I know I've stated this in earlier posts. But, I didn't own it. I kept thinking and planning for future clients.
In my first post I mentioned that I took reiki to build a solid foundation for kirtan. I wanted to have a way to maintain Present Awareness and Peace.
There was actually a point when I was remodeling my art studio into a treatment room that I heard a small voice say, "This is all for you." I got the sense that I was to create the space for myself. A space for me to go to ground and center. It was a fleeting thought that I immediately disregarded. I thought, "Why would I do all this just for myself? I have to make money. I'm doing this so I can have clients."
In the past couple of days I have felt my world just crumble. I could feel my small self pulling me further and further inward. I was so angry, outraged that this (death) could be apart of anyone's journey. Why would anyone choose this? I understand intellectually WHY death is apart of the journey. It is a natural end to this life on this plane. The real question is, why do we, as humans choose to forget about the Truth? If I was in total alignment with the Truth, full Knowing that I am always Connected to Source along with my dad and every single living being, I would Be overjoyed with transition.
How could I not? The entity I experienced as my father has returned Home.
There's part of it right there. The un-truth that holds us in a shallow reality.
If my dad was going from his home in California to Hawaii, one of his favorite places, I would be so happy for him. I would know he is still on this plane, on earth, where I could talk and be with him at any time.
He would go visit Hawaii, I'd continue on with whatever I was doing in my life without any emotional glitch.
The Truth(My Truth) about death, the way I understand it IS very much like the Spirit moving from It's body (California) to Connect with Source (Hawaii). The earth, in this scenario represents ALL Oneness. (Yes, I understand that the earth is but a minuscule element in not only this vast Universe but many, many Universes. But, I can't sense that connection so we will stay small to illustrate my meaning)
When the Spirit leaves California to visit Hawaii, it is still on earth. With me where I live too. I can call my father, he will respond. I am happy for him. I am happy for me. Happy in my life because little has changed. My father is still here.
The only reason there appears to be a disconnection is because we believe there is a disconnection. And we believe there is separation. And we believe there is a here and there. We believe only in the physical form.
If we were able to make invisible ALL that is visible we would See that we are ALL here. Occupying the same space. There is really NO separation. We are all ONE whole BEing.
Self-Reiki has supported me immensely in clarifying what is good and right for me during this time. Reiki has supported me, kept me above water when I would rather drown in sorrow. Reiki has allowed me the openness to let others in, to forgive myself.
There is a tremendous amount of healing I want to do for myself just me. I now let go of the idea of using Reiki to help others. This is for me. This reiki training, this reiki practice is just for me. I will not even entertain the idea of using the practice for anyone else at this time nor in the future. Ego just tries to grab it and make it into something else. I struggle, flounder, detour. Only to be blindsided with THIS IS ONLY FOR ME. Heal ME!
That's it for now. I'm good. I'm empowered. My dad is in Hawaii having such an awesome time I have no words to describe it from the earthly plane. I am happy!