01.03.25 Yesterday, I was feeling out of sorts. Clearly, on my way down to full-blown depression.
Over the past two weeks, I was bordering on the brink. When I had a two week break from work ahead of me, I was feeling motivated and inspired to get some things done. Things that I put off because I was too drained after work.
I has many ideas and goals I wanted to cram into those two weeks. Things that would finally move my "career" forward.
After dropping Massage School, (that's another story) I found that I was just floundering. That in itself was a step towards negative self-talk on the path to depression
I was able to keep it at bay by piling a bunch of classes and courses onto my website, that I was willing to teach.
I was going to use the two week break to prepare for EVERYTHING!
And, I was going to do all of it during the holiday season.
Let's just cut right to the end, closer to present day. I had a wonderful holiday season with friends and family, yay!
Everything else, I dropped and made a pivot.
I simplified my career goals into just ONE. Reorganized my website to align with new goal. And, artistically, I let go of trying to create art to sell to just creating art for the enjoyment of creating art. (Another story for another time)
This all left me feeling less stressed and relieved for a while. Letting go and all. But, then I began to compare my life to the fulfilled lives of others around me. And my optimism and the little, teeny, tiny amount of faith I had in myself, began to incline.
When I got up yesterday, I has no motivation, no new inspiration, nothing fun scheduled for the day, and no money rolling in.
Poor, pitiful me.
I put my fear of failure in my pocket for a moment and did some new training with the mares. I enjoyed it immensely. My energy came up.
When I finished, I ran some errands with my husband. The errands were his, I was just a passenger. Because, I had no plans for the day, my mind went to, "I have no purpose".
Whoops, things spiraled from there.
Back at home, I went out to my studio. I wasn't feeling inspired to do anything. But, I wanted to do something.
Negative self-talk was blocking inspiration. I won't go into that dialog, just know, it was a huge factor in cutting me off from desire, clarity, and creativity.
But, there was something I could do. A mindful art-based practice.
Ugh, that's a mouthful that doesn't even read like fun. After all the drama leading up to this, all I got is "Mindful Art-based Practice"? Well, until I come up with a different name, with fun and flare, we're stuck with it.
Once I made the decision to practice art without the added stress of trying to trudge through why I'm NOT practicing art, I chose to do the first lesson from, "Create Your Life Book" by Tamara Laporte.
While, the process of creating art didn't (immediately) change my external world, it DID immediately change my internal world.
During the process, my negative self-talk dissipated, my energy lifted and I felt once again in alignment with my good.
Which is where I want to be, internally regardless of what is happening externally.
The more I can stay in alignment with my good, in the present moment, the better my future I have ahead of me. The creation of our future comes in the thought vibration of Present moment.
I will be saying and re-membering this over and over again.
The whole point of (hey, you give me a purpose 😉) sharing this sound bath meditation and art practice, is to give you a space to align yourself with Your Good, in the present moment to create a joyous tomorrow.
Let's practice together 💞
Be Joyful, My Friend!
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